BLAB!!!!!!!!!!

found footage festival

2008-10-20T10:20:00.004-05:00

i went this past weekend to see Vol. 2 and the consensus is - hilarious. the found footage festival is simply a collection of funny video clips from home movies, workout videos, instructional videos etc. found at local thrift stores and over the internet. i highly recommend looking it up and going when it reaches your town. check tour dates here:

http://www.foundfootagefest.com/

amongst the visual gems is the commercial instructional video for a chicken harvester:

friggin' spot-on

2008-10-03T08:17:00.006-05:00

stupid dog

2008-09-19T11:53:00.010-05:00

two weekends ago my dog Charlie had a wrestling match with a car. i was sitting at a stoplight and he decided it would be a good idea to jump out the back window. he never hit the ground, a car in the next lane hit him and ran him over at about 45mph. if you've ever heard a dog yelping in agony whilst writhing in pain on the ground then you know where i'm coming from. i got out, 3 lanes of traffic had screeched to a halt and two women and a cop show up out of nowhere. they're each telling me directions to different animal hospitals and Charlie is just laying and crying on the ground. the cop asks me to pull off onto the shoulder after he helps me scoop up the dog and put him in my truck. the guy who hit him had stopped there as well and was just as pale-faced and shocked as i was. his wife was bawling in the passenger seat of their car. i asked the cop if he was going to give me a ticket as i assumed it would be my fault for not restraining my pet. he said no, and the other guy said his car was ok so i took off.

now, i had previously dropped meg off at the park to go for a run and i decided that logistically it'd be a lot easier if i picked her up before going to the vet. i got to the park and she's nowhere to be found. the lake she runs around is about a 2mile loop and i could do nothing but stand there on top of the hill waiting for her to come into view. meanwhile i'm freaking out, not knowing if Charlie has internal bleeding or how much time he has left. finally she shows up and we run to the truck and go to the nearest vets office.

it's saturday afternoon

the vet is closed

there's no emergency number.... F!

i called information got the number for a few vets in the area and eventually one of their answering machines gives the number for the emergency clinic nearby. we haul ass and every time i look in the rear view mirror, Charlie is trying to move around or look out the windows with that big stupid smile on his face like nothing happened. i knew better and i was actually shaking at this point.

we get to the vet and they bring him back for x-rays and ask for a $500 deposit for whatever. sure. meg's crying, and i'm wondering how bad it is. i keep hearing Charlie yelp in the back room and have to go outside. the x-rays come back and the doc says it looks like it's just a dislocated hip. to my disbelief, no broken ribs, no broken pelvis or spine, and all his organs look good. they can either pop it back in, or put it back in surgically which would give much better results. i elect for the surgery as i don't want the dog re-dislocating his hip every time he jumps off the couch.

now before he can go under for surgery, he has to stabilize etc. so three days pass and they put him under. the doc takes another set of x-rays and calls me. the ball on top of his femur had been shattered. F. after some discussion, we elected to give the boy a new stainless steel hip. Charlie came out of surgery and was fully enjoying his cocktail of pain killers.

we finally got him home alst thursday, and i expected him to be crapping all over himself in his cage, and not eating or drinking etc. but he's actually been a really good little patient. at this point, his swelling is all gone, his bruises have gone away, his road rash has scabbed over and is healing, and he's almost ready to get all 27 of his staples out.

the funniest/scariest thing is that when we brought him home, they gave us antibiotics and "pain meds" and told us to give him one of each every 8 hours. i started to run out of the pain meds so i called a friend who's a vet and explained the situation. apparently the "pain meds" are a pretty strong narcotic. ah, so that explains the drooling, the huge pupils, and the staring off into space. we've cut back on the meds a bit and he's starting to become his old self after only two weeks. he's truckin' around the backyard and he's got that goofy smile back on his mug.

so all will be well, but the morals of the story here kids are:

a. don't keep your car windows open too far, even if you think your dog would never be so stupid as to jump out

2. if you have a pet that you care about, get pet insurance. a lot of companies offer it as an employee benefit for $5-$6 per month

iii. ween your dogs off narcotics slowly....

here's Charlie the day we got him home after his surgery (click to enlarge):

he looks much better now btw.

Caribou Barbie ends up raising more money for Obama

2008-09-04T16:39:00.005-05:00

Obama's coffers have been filling since Sarah Palin attacked him repeatedly in St. Paul last night.
An Obama aide confirms Drudge's report that Obama has raised about $8 million from more than 130,000 donors and is on pace to raise $10 million by the time McCain reaches the stage tonight.
UPDATE: Obama spokesman Bill Burton says, "Sarah Palin's attacks have rallied our supporters in ways we never expected. And we fully expect John McCain's attacks tonight to help us make our grass-roots organization even stronger."

Bolt

2008-08-21T08:36:00.002-05:00

this guy is ridiculous. he breaks world records without even trying. in the 100m he basically walked the last 25m and still won by a long shot. he broke the world record for the 200m without breaking a sweat. the media is roasting him because it seems he's not maxing out his effort, but i have to say that if i made a $1 million bonus for every world record i broke, i'd break my own record about five times as well instead of going all the way the first time. check him out:

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/olympics/article4578959.ece?openComment=true

Long time away, but i've decided to hop back on

2008-08-15T13:46:00.008-05:00

So after about a year and a half, i have a modest urge to start blogging again.

In the past three weeks, i've flown over 7300 miles and have been in 9 states. work brought me from denver to midland, TX - back to denver for 8 hours - to williston, ND - back to denver for 12 hours - and then vacation brought me to Newark, NJ - to Boston, MA - to Portland, ME - to Saratoga, NY - and back to Denver. I leave in two days to go to casper, WY and then hopefully i will be back home for a bit. vacation was a lot of fun. I got to see family and friends and even played some golf while it rained for the entire time i was there.

with my few days in denver, i plan to go to Wally World to stock up on apocalypse neccesities such as beer. meanwile my office stocks up on blankets, water, air horns, and oxygen tanks. "why is this," you ask? because in two weeks, the Democratic National Convention will be in town. i plan to work from home that week along with almost everyone in my office. the poor secretary at the front desk, however, must be in the office to field phone calls and take deliveries. we are providing her with her own armed guard, we have put special locks on all the doors, we're buying the supplies mentioned above, and we're taking our sign off the building. the city of denver seems to think there will be mass chaos, and i suppose they have good reason. here's a list of the actions some of the protestors plan at the DNC as provided by the city of denver and my building's management:

my office is planning on un-bolting everything from the sidewalk outside so that it can't be worked loose and thrown through the glass front of the building, including mailboxes. they'll be fined from the USPS and the newspapers for violating "freedom of speech" and they are willing to pay the fine. i hope the city doesn't burn to the ground, but building management keeps mentioning tear gas and asking us to learn how to use oxygen tanks.

i choose to sit at home, drink beer, and watch it all unfold.

storms-a-brewin!!

2006-12-21T10:06:00.000-06:00

they are calling this the "Iverson Blizzard of 2006". The Denver Nuggets have lost Carmelo Anthony due to his being an unsportsmanlike retard but have gained Allen Iverson, the hot point guard / 2 gaurd frm philly. His first game as a Nugget was cancelled last night due to weather and the the fact that I-25 was closed from Wyoming to New Mexico, and the fact that a national emergency was called, and the National Gaurd came in to help all the idiots stranded in their cars. here's a look at what is happening on the street (or in the case of my street, what isn't happening):

my back yard. that's a 6' fence.

my front yard. you can't see the road, cuz it hasn't been plowed yet.

my neighbors down the road. 24 hours into the storm and it's still coming down. i hope they can find my road....

oh, Alice...

2006-11-22T07:59:00.000-06:00

holy f. the Alice In Chains concert monday night was exceptionally awesome! i knew that Layne Staley would not be there as he died in 2002 (in a bit of rock trivia, Layne's coroner approximated his date of death as April 5th... this is the date that Kurt Cobain died of an overdose 8 years previous), and that i had to keep an open mind. i went expecting to hear rough versions of my favorites. man was i wrong! if the music hadn't varied slightly from the albums, i would have accused them of lip syncing/air band. the new lead singer was spot on, he even had that little rasp in his voice that Layne used so well. they started with their early music, which only a few people recognized, but then they turned to the jams that were on Dirt and consequently tore the place down. the set was great, the encore was better. they closed with "What The Hell Have I", "Rooster", and "Would?". "What The Hell Have I" is in my top 20 favorite songs of all time. "Would?" is in my top 10 of favorite songs of all time, and my friends and i agree that it probably has the best ending to any rock song ever. what better way to end the show?? if i could marry last night, i would.....

mom of the year

2006-11-20T08:28:00.000-06:00

i went to Wally-World yesterday to pick up some electronics that would be half price from those at Best Buy. i ended up parking at the end of one row next to a small suv. as i got out, i heard kids yelling and giggling. i came around my vehicle to see three small children in the back of this minivan. it looked as if this was their first day out of a car seat. none of them looked to be older than 5. by the way, the reason i heard them was that the windows of the suv were all fully down. the kids were climbing around all over eachother, hanging out the windows, yelling and laughing as ignorant, yet blissfull children do. i looked around to see that mom or dad is no where in sight. mind you we are parked at the end of the row, as far away from the store and as close to the exit of the parking lot as one can get. i took down the plate number and headed in to go page whatever jackass parent might be in the store. as i walk down the row, a woman passed me looking just as ignorant as the kids. i watched her for a while and she ended up at the suv. her cart was full of all the crap that Wally-World sells. this means that unless she's a Supermarket Sweep veteran, she spent upwards of an hour in the store. if i hadn't already been sucked in to the vortex that is cheap retail, i would have run down and given her a piece of my mind.

this is probably how she bathes her kids...

what scares me more is that she most likely votes....

UGH, anyone want to paint for me?

2006-11-14T19:34:00.000-06:00

1. buy house
b. immediately have a chaotic weekend, and then leave for vacation in florida
iii. upon touching down from florida, immediately leave for wyoming for a week
four. have yet to paint the entire interior, yet need to have it done and moved in by 12/1
5. tired....

LET IT SNOW!!!!

2006-10-26T10:51:00.000-05:00

classic, just classic....

2006-10-18T12:05:00.000-05:00

"Female carjacker get foiled by manual transmission":

new dojo!

2006-10-06T09:27:00.000-05:00

i'm closing on this house on the 25th:

i'm a big boy!! let the visiting commence!

T.O. = idiot

2006-09-27T12:28:00.000-05:00

T.O. of the Dallas Cowboys:

I'm probably just adding to a large publicity stunt, but this made me chuckle!!

"things that vex me" #9056

2006-09-27T11:34:00.000-05:00

#9056 - Blockbuster. Specifically the cashiers at Blockbuster. when you rent a movie, they insist on calling out the names of the movies that you are renting. this is supposed to be a check so that you do not pay for movies that you do not want to rent. this would be more of a problem if they offered porn, but they don't. instead i get flushed in the face when the girl calls out loudly, "so we've got "Goodburger", and "Dora The Explorer: The complete second season." I don't need the randos behind me knowing that i am renting said films, thank you very much! Also, if one is too blind to read a title on the cover of the dvd, then said person has no reason trying to watch a movie. Therefore, miss teenybopper behind the counter, keep your mouth shut and hurry up!

a day late and a dollar short, but truer words have never been spoken...

2006-09-12T21:44:00.000-05:00

MORE CHAOS!!

2006-09-01T11:32:00.000-05:00

i'm not sure i've stopped moving since three weeks ago. monday i found out there was a blowout on a well, spewing radioactive gas, oil, and water all over location. on top of that we had problems with another company, and so i had to travel to Utah to assist in dealing with these issues. i got back from the morman state wednesday evening, just in time to catch the Tool concert.

man, what an effing show!! 2.5 hours of live Tool, complete with fantastic lightshow/visual aids. it was in an open air amphitheater (much like SPAC only no roof). i was originally worried that they were going to play mostly their newer stuff, of which i am not as huge a fan as their first three albums, but they rocked out all the classics. their set list included stinkfist, 46&2, opiate, lateralus, the pot, prison sex, intolerance, sober, & undertow amongst others. Maynard was his typical scrawny wierd self. Danny Carey had some ridiculous drum solos. at the end of the set, the members just sat in the middle of the stage, taking in the crowd. i looked around at the packed auditorium and everyone was holding either lighters or cell phones, screaming their tails off. it didn't stop for 5 minutes. Tool finally got up and played their encore which was Aenima - one of my all time favorite songs. it was so sweet. maynard gave his scouts honor that they would be back in the spring. i can't wait.

CHAOS!!!

2006-08-17T08:13:00.000-05:00

ugh, where to start....

last friday i went to the G Love & Special Sauce show due to the fact that i won tickets at a local watering hole the previous weekend. the show was sponsored by Jack Daniels. there was no way to go wrong here. good times, great music.

saturday i was in my company's sky box on the 9th green for the International Golf Tournament. I was 20 feet from Ernie Ells et.al. while they were putting. sadly, Tiger was not there as he never plays withina week of a major.

saturday night i went to the Black Crowes show. there are no words. the Black Crowes consistently shuffle between my 1st and 2nd favorite band of all time, depending on my mood at the time you ask me. the bands that opened up were The Drive By Truckers, and Robert Randolph and The Family Band. I've liked both bands for a while now, but this show put it over the top for me. If you havn't checked out Robert Randolph and The Family Band yet, do it. they are rediculously great live.... fantastic musicians. the black crowes hit the stage, the crowd went nuts, the secondhand weed was in the air. i can't get over how Chris Robinson still has his pipes!! The man is 40 years old, and has been touring for 16 years and he stills hits notes like he was Chris Cornell. It was a phenomenal show.

in other news, i finally found a house and will most likely close on it within a couple of weeks! kick ass sea bass.

sigh

2006-08-10T08:31:00.000-05:00

welcome to the new world.... not sure this is what Columbus had in mind:

foiled

as seen on Fark.com:

2006-08-08T10:28:00.000-05:00

"My van's broke down, I'm naked and bloody as hell, just had a dip in the spa and killed a parrot. And now all I wanna do is bash up some peoples with my rake"

jeez louise!!

2006-07-30T14:26:00.000-05:00

i've now spent 2.five weeks in denver. i've visited 7.2 pubs, seen 2 rockies games, 1 outlaws game, 1 nuggets game, and 1 mammoth game. on top of that, i just purchased tickets to see Tool on the 30th, and last night i won tickets at the bar to see G Love and Special Sauce next friday. pretty sure this city kicks some tail. well done, career, well done.

ahh, denver, the sunshine state

2006-07-16T10:24:00.000-05:00

i am officially living in my new dojo in denver, co. living quarters are more than adequate. i'm 10 mins from Red Rocks, 30-45 mins from the rockies and major ski/bike resorts, and on top of that, i am now living in an actual city. things to do, places/people to see every night, and the lack of oxygen is making me slightly euphoric. this should be the last move for quite a while, and i believe that i might actually be able to "settle down".... gasp!

sweet mother of zeus!!

2006-07-12T12:48:00.000-05:00

contrary to popular belief, girls know what the crap they are doing!!! my sister and mother got me a gift certificate to a spa here in town for my birthday a while back. i finally used said gift this morning, and dear lord it was phenomenal. at the spa i was introduced to an exceptionally majestic being named kim who somehow found and relaxed every muscle in my body. did you know there are 20 muscles in each foot?!!? i'm melting into every chair i sit in now. 3 hours of massage, facial, and exfoliation.... pure ecstasy.

things that vex me #971 & #47

2006-07-11T17:39:00.000-05:00

#971 - people who constantly interrupt you while you are talking.

i like to tell stories of my adventures, and i create humor in these stories by adding a lot of detail, imagery, similies, metaphors etc. sorry but my recollection of thoughts, therefore, can be longer than a 2 year old's attention span. several people have aggravated me lately by barging in with their own oral filth while i'm in the middle of a sentence many times during one conversation. i don't mind if you break my stride if you have a question about what it is i am saying, but otherwise wait your turn!

#47 - people who breathe through their nose

can't stand it. it's whistley, noisy, and obnoxious. what could possibly be wrong with your throat and/or mouth that the air is blocked from flowing through them. fluid dynamics 101 - a flowing fluid and/or gas will follow the path of least resistance. the mouth provides a much larger flow area, and therefore an easier path for your hot air. what the crap is it doing being forced through your nose, making all sorts of noise and annoying the crap out of me!?!?

vacation kicked!

2006-07-11T12:11:00.000-05:00

2 weeks of visiting friends, drinking, mischief, hungover driving, and rock and roll are finally over. i'm pretty sure that i don't need to drink another yuengling for at least a month. i put 1476 miles on the rental car and saw 43 friends and family, some of whom i had not seen in 7 years. good times, great oldies. i just need another vacation now to recover.....

last day of school!!

2006-06-21T17:51:00.000-05:00

as i type this i am listening to Faith No More's "The Gentle Art Of Making Enemies", which is a phenominal song and which just happened to start on my streaming player when i opened this page to start typing. yet another time that i see how music can equal mood.

tomorrow morning is my last day of work in pauls valley, ok as per my counter-downer thingy on the right. i could not be more excited! friday i leave for two weeks of vacation, see many people that i havn't seen in 2-7 years, and then i move to denver, one of the best cities in the US for a kick ass job. i'm so stoked. stress from all the BS i've encountered here is already leaving. can't wait to drink yuengling, one of my favorite beers which hasn't touched my lips in 3 years, and relax for 2 weeks.

by the way, american airlines is the worst airline in the world, i highly suggest finding anywayother way of traveling, even if it includes a donkey and cart.

spreading nore love than a $5 hooker

2006-05-31T18:35:00.000-05:00

so i got coerced into making a myspace page. as is typical, i hop onto another bandwagon a day late and a dollar short. after a week of figuring out how the hell one organizes the seemingly chaotic madhouse that is MySpace, i finally got myself together and have gotten back into contact with people that i had all but forgotten about from high school, college, and my random travels which i find neat. my version of the chaos can be found here.

the great new england traverse!!

2006-05-22T18:23:00.000-05:00

every year for the past three years, i've promised all my friends in the northeast from college and high school that i would come back and visit. it's been tough for me to do because i only get two weeks of vacation a year. enough excuses, here i come. 14 days, 7 states, and 5102 miles covered (1082 miles of which will be driven in a rental car over the course of 18 hours). after contacting everyone i could think of, i came up with the following tour dates. take your days off accordingly.

fri june 23rd - land in philadelphia, obtain rental car, hang in philly for the weekend

sun june 25th - leave in the evening for north jersey / nyc

tues june 27th - leave NYC in the evening for rochester, ny

thurs june 29th - leave rochester for saratoga springs, ny. hang with the family for 4th weekend

mon july 3rd - leave in the evening for yarmouth, me. hang with sis, eat lobster

wed july 5th - leave in the evening for boston, ma

fri july 7th - fly back to oklahoma city

mon july 10th - pack all my belongings... again... and move to denver.

if i'm in your area and i don't get to see you, your fault, not mine. you can come to denver in the future. anyone feeling adventurous enough to join my quest for one or more legs should feel free.

a man's man

2006-05-15T17:42:00.000-05:00

i've got a portable satellite radio system that i bring from my work truck, to my personal truck, to the house, etc. the docking station in my work truck has a FM modulator that i generally keep at 88.5. every once in a while, i will pass a car or truck on the highway that has the same set up, so as i pass, my radio plays what they are transmitting, and they probably hear what i am transmtting.

this morning as i was passing an 18-wheeler, i start to hear my station fade, and another come on stronger. typically the truckers around here listen to right wing talk radio, preacher radio, or country music. this trucker, with a big black truck and flames on the hood, happened to be listening to "It Must Have Been Love" by Roxette. as i pulled in front of the truck i looked into my rearview. the trucker's mouth was moving, head weaving with incredible zeal. now he could have been talking on a phone or his CB radio, but the odds are great that he was jamming out to this song, and that idea makes me giggle.

band 'o the month

2006-05-12T19:25:00.000-05:00

i have officially fallen in love with the new chili peppers album "stadium arcadium" . when i heard the first single on the radio, i was a bit disappointed. it was a decent song, but i wasn't going to buy the album if it was all like the first single. however, my roomate played the rest for me, and i am in awe. i've never heard anthony kiedis sing so soulfully, and flea's bass line in "hump de bump" is very Primus-esque and therefore kickass. 2 cd's for $12, and every track rocks the casbah! purchase it now!

two of my favorite holidays

2006-05-07T10:03:00.000-05:00

cinco de mayo and derby day. it's tough to think of better reasons to celebrate, and suprisingly enough, i got to enjoy both of them this year as i had the weekend off. the 5th of may was like any other, mexican beer, tequila, sombreros and maracas. somehow the On The Border party we went to was ill-equipped. they ran out of pacifico, limes, and people by like 10.
derby day morning, like the past 6 was spent hungover. i picked my horse, steppenwolfer, because i like the band, and he had good odds. coming out of the gate, he got boxed out and got pushed back to 16th place..... typical. i gave up my interest in the race, but continued to watch. some other horse won, but then they threw up the results and my friggin horse showed!!! i rewound the race to see if i could find a teleporter big enough for the horse to use as that is the only way he could have made that kind of progress. who knows, maybe it truely was a magic carpet ride....

I GOT DENVER!!!!!!

2006-05-04T16:11:00.000-05:00

HELLS YEAH!! just found out i got the sales position in denver that i had interviewed for!! still not clear about a timeframe, but probably will be over there by the end of the month!! kyle = ecstatic!!!

$9000.00..... awesome.....

2006-04-25T07:49:00.000-05:00

i heart paying the Texas Department of Transportation. in the past 7 days i've worked 112 hours, and driven close to 2000 miles. i'm so messed up with days right now, but i think this happened on saturday. i'm riding along the highway with a trailer full of stuff that blows up. the weight of this stuff is such that my vehicle requires placards, so i put them on. in this day in age, this is equivalent to putting a bullseye target on my truck for any cop. large orange diamonds with large black letters saying "stuff that blows up" on a white truck and a 40' red trailer. think i stand out?? anyway i'm just cruising along at the speed limit because i know i stand out..... look in my mirror.... mr. policeman is at my back door. i pull over, he starts going through a roadside DOT check. he goes through and checks a list of about 150 things including, but not exclusive to:
hauling papers, pre-trip inspection paperwork, my hourly log book, fire extinguisher, lights, blasting permits, "stuff that blows up" manuals, corporate licenses, tire pressure, brakes, 4 inspection stickers, 3 safety triangles, 2 registrations, and a partirdge in a pear tree. you get the point.
this process took over an hour. generally, if a DOT cop pulls you over, s/he WILL find something wrong. if they can't find something, they make things up. in this case, he found 9 items not in compliance:
2 dangling wires, 4 placards present but not properly placed, driving past the 14th hour after coming on duty that day, a cracked cover for a running light, & a missing inspection sticker for the trailer.

these items compared to the rest of the checklist are BS items. dangling wire?!?!?! but there's no arguing with a DOT cop cuz it's like the judge handing down "contempt of court" for each time you open your mouth.

each DOT violation = $1000.00 x 9 violations = kyle's down payment
i will never again bitch about a $100 speeding ticket.

merry kylemas

2006-04-19T07:26:00.000-05:00

merry kylemas everyone!!

"play wheels on the bus and get the hell out of my sight"

2006-04-13T13:53:00.000-05:00

driving to work this morning, i passed a school bus. a stopped school bus. it had its red flashers on and stop sign out. yes i am a rebel without a cause. actually the bus was off the road. there's this pre-school that has a semi-circle for a driveway and the bus pulls in to stop at the front door of the school. it had it's flashers on dropping off kids, but it was a good 20 foot off the road. do i stop?? what are the regulating legislative details in regards to this example?? i figured the law said, "Slow to 5mph, look around for police officers, look at the bus for childen and squeek by", so that's what i did.

band o' the month

2006-04-11T16:56:00.000-05:00

the new band i'm into is Fighting Instinct. Think .38 Special/Molly Hatchet mixed with Soundgarden and the Foo Fighters. their debut album does not come out until june 27th, but i'm sure the handicapable of you can find their songs on the intarwebs. killer tunes, enjoy.

helping the cause...

2006-04-09T14:11:00.000-05:00

moose is trying to start the phenomenon (see moose's blog). i will of course do my part:

new dubs

2006-04-09T14:02:00.000-05:00

this is my new ride:

my back is finally somewhat normal again, and i can now ride sans pain. trails in OK are good, trails in Denver will be better!

knowledge is power

2006-04-09T13:48:00.000-05:00

"STOP THROWING OKRA AT MY FOREHEAD!!" - yelled at me by my roommate as $1.00 beer night at opening day of Redhawks baseball culminated.

now prior to my moving to the south, i was for some reason under the impression that okra was some sort of crustacean, much like a crawfish. as it turns out, okra is in fact a plant, and though it is still consumed by humans, i was disappointed to find out that it had no shell. this clearly became fodder for anyone in the south who became aware of how mistaken i was. my only comeback this time to the jeering was to throw things like a child. some of us never grow up.....

cardinal rule #97

2006-03-27T17:57:00.000-06:00

i try to live my life by a certain set of rules, one of which being #97, which is:

#97: NEVER BUY SHIT OUT OF THE BACK OF A VAN BECAUSE IT'S EITHER A. STOLEN B. DEFECTIVE, OR C. THERE IS SOME SORT OF SCAM GOING ON

so needless to say, i was a bit skeptical when today, as i was at a gas station fueling up, a couple of young men offer me a set of home theater speakers for cheap. they gave me the pitch, which was actually pretty flawless. i asked to see the speakers, they took one out of the box and it looked and felt legit. at this point, part of me was like "even if this is a scam, i don't mind too much giving them this money because a. they had flawless execution in the scam and b. if these guys are hungry enough that they've got to do this to get money, then i don't mind helping a brother out". so i took the bait, dished out $300 for two home theater speaker stacks apparently worth $1000. i got home, and hooked them up. they work fine, sound ok and then i went on the web only to find story after story of people who fell for this deal, some of which didn't even have speakers in the boxes!

i can't get angry over this because i fell for it, and the speakers work pretty well. i guess i'm just bummed out that i didn't actually stick one to the man. instead i was the man who got stuck!

hey billy bob!! i dun kilt me a pheasant!!!

2006-03-27T17:44:00.000-06:00

and boy she was as pretty as a five wire fence!! actually i have no idea what the bird looked like cuz i was too busy crapping my pants. i was 20 miles southwest of The Middle Of Nowhere, Kansas saturday morning, hauling ass to get to a wellsite. the pheasant was apparently sleeping by the side of the road and i flushed it out. it freaked out, flapped it's short flipper-like wings struggling to gain speed and altitude directly in front of me. i was driving 2 tons of vehicle and equipment at 70 miles an hour. the bird made it as high as my windshield and CRACK!!! the bird slammed into the windshield directly in front of my face, splitting my windshield. i look in my rearview mirror and feathers and the carcass fall to the ground. my drivers-ed teacher made me hit a squirrel back when i was learning to drive, and it is because of that training that i continued down the road without a second thought as i changed my pants.

"NO TIME, NO TIME!!!!"

2006-03-15T08:10:00.000-06:00

-as screamed by the pilot in Armageddon whilst flying away from the nuke blowing up.

i'm not sure how i'm going to make it through to my flight to Houston on sunday, but i'm pretty sure either time travel, teleportation, or cloning myself needs to be involved.

"air dry that ___!"

2006-03-07T09:04:00.000-06:00

last weekend was supposed to be my weekend off. saturday phone call from the dispatcher. "kyle, the well conditions have changed in a very horrible way. bring equipment and knowledge to Guymon, Oklahoma and make this work.... now." ummmmmm lucky they called when they did cuz a half an hour later i would have been 3 beers into it. so i drove 5 hours west, saved the day working for 35 hours straight sunday and monday and drove back <...pats self on back>.

anyway, i now can say that Guymon, OK can be put on my list of many places that i never need to see again. the hotel i stayed in, however, is what took the cake. i wake up early sunday morning turn the shower on and wait 5 mins for the water to get warm. i pull the curtain back and see that there is a pile of towels in the bathtub..... now soaked with water. i look at the metal thing on the wall by the door that is clearly meant to hold 3 different sized towles.... it doesn't have any. WHAT KIND OF JACKASS MAID CLOSES THE SHOWER CURTAIN AFTER PUTTING ALL THE TOWELS IN THE BATHTUB?!?!?! fuming, i take my shower and then stand by the air conditioner to air dry for 10 minutes. that SUCKED!

stupid sundials....

2006-03-01T11:09:00.000-06:00

i like that my watch automatically and correctly changes the date. i look down at my watch today and it doesn't say 2-29-06, it says 3-1-06. the point of having the date on your watch is so that you have an accurate quick refference when needed. one should not each month have to say, "did last month have 30 days or 31 days, and depending on which it was, did i set this correctly??" because this is a waste of 30 seconds of one's life every month which could be spent pondering more important things like "which ice cream treat will i purchase from the cute girl driving the kick-ass ice cream truck that plays the stupid muzak over the loud speakers, but alice and chains on the inside today?"

i hate the cabin fever

2006-02-28T08:22:00.000-06:00

however, i heart the first day of spring to a rediculous extent. the first day of the year that is 65-70 degrees at 7 in the morning. all the birds have been up for hours singing their little tails off. with the first step outside, the smell hits you like a ton of bricks. the smell of spring cannot be described, it can only be experienced..... sort of like the matrix. it instantly makes you notice the huge case of cabin fever you never knew you had. one breath and you think "there's so many things i can accomplish outside today!" it kills me to have to sit in the office today with so much anticipation about what i could be doing right now. it's like the last day of gradeschool before summer vacation. sitting there, gnawing on your pencil, shaking with excitment and flipping out over the blueprints you just scribbled out for the tree fort you plan on building. spring is here and it rocks!!

home on the range

2006-02-22T08:59:00.000-06:00

happy to report that my sister is finally back, safe and sound from 4 weeks of hell in Nigeria. if you've seen the the news lately, you've seen that there is a civil war going on and 9 oil workers have been kidnapped for ransom. welcome home keri.

things that vex me #85 & #49

2006-02-22T08:29:00.000-06:00

#85 - ill-used space in public restrooms. i mentioned in a previous blog that, if given the choice, i prefer to use the handicapped bathroom stall because there is more room, and places to hang a jacket etc. some even have their own sink. what is it with public restrooms that they need to put the toilet 6 inches away from the wall, and then put the huge plastic thing that holds 7 rolls of toilet paper right where your knee would go whilst going about your business. the handicapped stall has 20+ square feet of space and they shove the toilet in the back corner with all this crap hanging over and around it. this completely defeats the purpose of the handicapped stall.....

#49 - bumper stickers and vanity plates that only the driver can decipher. examples:

WRTHAWR
KAYZZZT
GRNMCHN
WHTHRCN

the point of a vanity plate is to be a bold, quick, and possibly humorous statement. i shouldn't have to follow you for 30 miles down the highway doing algorithms in my head trying to figure out your cryptography. point in case:

the ice storm of 2006!!!

2006-02-18T18:54:00.000-06:00

a cloud went by last night dumping about an inch of ice and sleet on oklahoma. as a born and raised upstate new yorker, this "incredible ice storm" is child's play. however, for the natives of the area the ice stopped everything. schools, stores, and even churches closed....pure bedlam. i was one of three who showed up for work today. yes it was a saturday, but in my 24/7/365 business there should have been 11 guys there today. some of whom live in the town where i work, whereas i had to drive 30 miles down the interstate to get there. this picture taken from NewsOK.com brings my point into focus. pauls valley is where i work, by the way, and i passed by this wreck only about an hour after it happened.

i don't mean to make light of a situation where people have died, but come on!!! look in the background.... notice a severe lack of snow, sleet, and ice?!?! how the crap did this commercial driver get his license?? there were about 30 other cars i saw off the road during my drive. i came over one hill into a valley and i had to stop to watch some jackass do doughnuts in the middle of the highway because he was going too slow to make it up the next hill that really isn't all that steep. DOUGHNUTS!! in the middle of an interstate. those who know me know how easily i get frustrated with incompetence. now there was another car in front of me, and because we had stopped, that idiot started doing crazy fishtails trying to start up again now there's two cars doing a dance in the middle of the interstate. i shook my fist at them, told them a politely as i could to join the olympic figure skating team, got my left tires on the rumble strip and breezed by them. interstates are generally straight roads, and I-35 goes straight south.... STRAIGHT!!! that means that unless a deer jumps out in front of you, there is no need to turn the wheel.... at all.... how do these people end up 50 off the side of the highway, car backwards, bumpers falling off and tires flat??? granted oklahoma does not have the infrastructure to deal with ice or snow. they do not have plows or trucks with sand, but still, the physics of driving are not complicated. if you start to slide don't spaz out and slam on your brake, simply take your foot off the gas. period. NOOOOOOO BRAKE! brake = flipping a bus and 2 unnecessary deaths.

chuckles...

2006-02-15T09:00:00.000-06:00

the survey results are in and these are the best valentines day related pictures i came across this holiday:

damnit, i just unpacked!!

2006-02-14T08:58:00.000-06:00

i came home from a job in texas at about 8 last night and while i am dropping the trailer off my truck my work cell phone rings. my stomach drops because i just worked 15 hours, but i am still on 24/7 on call everyday due to my being the sole employee in this area of the US for my department. when my work cell rings at night it always means bad things and i have to go back out to a well. this case was different. it was the global business development manager (read "the guy you don't want to piss off because if you do you'll be working on a rig in the north sea for the next 10 years") informing me of my new promotion. i'm going to work sales in the rockies area.

so it looks like i'm moving to Denver. this means that i will have lived in and had an official US Postal Service address in 7.5 states in 2.5 years. New York, Louisiana, New Mexico, Texas, Oklahoma, California, Colorado, and i spent enough time in Wyoming to say that i lived there. that's a lot of moving. i have no idea yet when i will be moving to denver... could be a month, could be 3 months, but it's going to be soon.

while i could never truely compare the Emancipation Proclaimation to my current situation, i have to say that i feel like i have been freed. there's a giant smile on my face knowing that i soon will have a normal 8-5 job with weekends off and no more on call 24/7 BS. i think i will have an adult beverage tonight in celebration.

for sooth, i have returned!!

2006-02-08T10:12:00.000-06:00

skiing at 14,000 feet + out of shape kyle = kyle very out of breath!! but as usual every bit of my vacation was phenominal. good people, good food, good beer, and finally some well needed sleep. pics as promised:

pops and i sitting, waiting for the lift to open. first chair, three mornings in a row!!

first tracks in 3-4" of groomed soft powder!

trying so hard to look my best...

40 and sunny... life's rough.

vacation kicks!!

2006-01-31T19:34:00.000-06:00

ski-ops in vail with pops, michele, and family friends. pics when i get back next week.....

there's no I in T-E-A-M, Kobe.....

2006-01-23T12:41:00.000-06:00

kobe scored 81 points in the lakers - raptors game last night. the most points ever scored by one person in my lifetime, and the second most points scored by one person in a regulation game. the record of 100 was set by wilt chamberlain in the 1962 philly - ny game.

....pshhht, ball-hog. i could do better in my sleep!

"these are mine"

2006-01-22T12:06:00.000-06:00

i passed by a woman on the street this morning who was with her kids talking to another woman. these women apparently had not seen eachother in quite some time since the kids looked to be about 5 years old. referring to her children she says, "yeah, these are mine!" as if she was talking about a pair of jeans or something. does this mean that she has another set of kids somewhere that aren't hers? could the other woman have possibly thought that the other was a 40 year old babysitter? what kind of sorted past did this woman have that it required confirmation that these children were in fact hers??

words i hate....

2006-01-18T13:55:00.000-06:00

jurisprudence

sputum

plethora

umpteenth

bludgeon

i shake my fist at them all.....

2006-01-06T10:21:00.000-06:00

band o' the month

2005-12-30T19:41:00.000-06:00

i try to find a new band to listen to each month. the other day, a commercial came on the TV for the new pontiac torrent. the music perked my ears up, and after some awe-inspiring Google-fu, i found out that the bands name is Ringside. Their latest self-titled album has some great jamz. after grabbing the album, i realized that their song "tired of being sorry" has been playing on satellite radio for quite some time, but the song that caught my ear on the commercial is "struggle". i would classify their music as chill rock. the gorillaz meets weezer meets U2 if that's even imaginable. listen and enjoy.

"the internet is for porn"

2005-12-27T07:33:00.000-06:00

i guess one would call this a music video. the whole thing is funny but it gets great in the second half.

I HEART ALLITERATION!!!

2005-12-24T19:33:00.000-06:00

i just spent my christmas evening in a pub in houston with my siter and brother in law. this pub did not have coasters, and my brother in law, kurt, always complains to the waitress about it. he complained agian tonight, and so Suzanne, our incredibly hot, social, and creative waitress made us each a coaster. keri and kurt hang at this pub all the time, so their coasters included their names, whilst mine said "Kurt and Keri's Kin's Kustomized Kristmas Koaster", stapled around the edge, and laminated with scotch tape. the message was written over a colored-in christmas tree and snow flakes and on the back said "Happy Chrismahannukwanzaakah!!"

i have met only a few handfuls of people so far in this world that are as refreshingly creative and social as this. those that read this know who they are, but it is always fun to meet people of this calibur. cheers to you all, and merry christmas!

blind wisdom

2005-12-20T08:00:00.000-06:00

a husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children and a blind man joins them after a few minutes. when the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. so the husband and the blind man decide to walk. after a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the blind man's stick as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? that ticking sound is driving me crazy!" the blind man replies, "well if you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up!"

wtf??

2005-12-19T08:41:00.000-06:00

this man is selling a fish tank cover.... i think....

ahhhhh.... my alma matter

2005-12-12T12:28:00.000-06:00

based on the hazing i went through in my fraternity, i'm hoping this was just a miscommunicated order given to a pledge and that the "mission" went awry. no matter, this kid is a retard for robbing a bank.

we're supposed to be the best best educated alcoholics since 1847!!

We are, we are, we are, we are the Lehigh Engineers!
And we can, we can demolish forty beers!
Drink rum, drink rum, and come along with us!
For we dont give a damn about any old man who don't give a damn about us!!

loaded question

2005-12-07T13:25:00.000-06:00

a co-worker of mine just asked me what type of music i listen to and, more importantly, what my favorite band was. i hate this question because for me it is a VERY loaded question.

i told him this:

"i hate that question because it's damn near impossible for me to answer, but if i must, then i say that my favorite band is The Black Crowes, my favorite musician is Eric Clapton because he not only taught himself to play the guitar amazingly once, but then he was in a car accident and due to amnesia had to re-teach himself guitar all over again and the results speak for themselves, i think the best rock song ever written is The Who - Baba Oreily, but the best rock song of my generation is Weezer - Say It 'Aint So, my favorite song ever is Pantera - Cowboys From Hell which is also a great album, but my favorite song right now is John Lennon's Imagine as performed by Jordis Unga on Rock Star: INXS, and my favorite album is The Toadies - Rubberneck, but to answer your question, i listen to anything though i only tolerate country music, i do not enjoy it, and this list would be 5 times bigger if i were to include classical, jazz, or blues."

he looked at me like i had three heads and nodded slowly and said "i like rock too" as he walked away.

SNOW!!

2005-12-07T13:21:00.000-06:00

it's snowing here for the first time this season. i heart snow in a ridiculous way. this is the first snowfall i have seen in 2 years. my co-workers are all worried about the roads, and i'm jsut here smiling because it's just a dusting, but it's snow and it's not my fault that people drive like idiots here.

"things that vex me" #142 & #143

2005-12-05T11:34:00.000-06:00

142 - why does it cost more to use one planes to fly from oklahoma to colorado than it does to use two planes?

a direct flight from oklahoma city, ok to vail, co currently costs $315
a flight that switches planes in denver on the way to vail costs $218

maybe this is why the airlines are going under. i mean come on!! this is mickey mouse math! more planes, more personell, more food, more fuel with extra take off and landing, & more time wasted must cost the airline more money, yet they charge less.... in fact, it would be cheaper for them in this case, to run a shuttle bus from denver to vail. i guess i'm just a foward thinker, but can i be CEO for a few days? please let me help us all out.

143 - why do people drive around parking lots for nine hours looking for "the best spot"?

i went to home depot yesterday to pick up some weather stripping. pulling into the lot i was behind a minivan that was aggrivating me by driving slowly. because of the layout of the parking lot, i had to follow this van up one aisle. i pulled into the first spot i saw even though it was one of the farther spots from the door. i got out and as i walked toward the door the minivan continued it's slow cruise up and down each aisle. i went in, got my things, and as i was walking out 15 mins later the minivan was just pulling into a relatvely close spot. i was done with my shopping in the time it took for this idiot to find the right parking spot. i guess some people truely have nothing else to do. it's the only explaination i can muster...

PANDORA'S ROX!!!!!

2005-11-29T07:55:00.000-06:00

the equivalent of a musician's wet dream..... words can't describe how much this kicks!!!!

a group of musicians and music-loving technologists came together with the idea of creating the most comprehensive analysis of music ever called The Music Genome Project.

they ended up assembling literally hundreds of musical attributes or "genes" into a very large Music Genome. taken together these genes capture the unique and magical musical identity of a song - everything from melody, harmony and rhythm, to instrumentation, orchestration, arrangement, lyrics, and of course the rich world of singing and vocal harmony. "it's not about what a band looks like, or what genre they supposedly belong to, or about who buys their records - it's about what each individual song sounds like."

they then took all this info and created Pandora which is the best streaming music player i've encountered. no downloads required. it will eventually have commercials but as for now they don't have any advertisers. once they do start with commercials you can register for $12 or $36 to not have to listen to them.

Pandora is smarter than Yahoo's Launchcast as it doesn't just go by genre and you don't have to sit there and rate each song (apologies to moose who just reached the 5000+ rating mark to become a "Launchcast Addict"). just go there and type in a band you like or a song title you like. it then plays a song by that band and gives you some detailed musical info about the song. then it goes on to play other songs that match that one. not just the same genre, but songs in the same genome that sound roughly similar as far as style, key signature, vocals, instrumentation and all parts listed above!! you can also add other bands to it, so that it plays whatever music you want on one station, or make several stations with their own sounds......

....catching breath.... damn i'm ecstatic about this.....

Pandora allows you to hear music from bands you've never heard of, but that you should like, because musically they sound much like what you know you like..... it doesn't get any better than this!!!

heh...

2005-11-29T07:46:00.000-06:00

"In a twist rivaling that in 'The Crying Game,' it turns out that Ronald McDonald is the Hamburglar"

my jeep?

2005-11-22T09:36:00.000-06:00

please?

kyle is.....

2005-11-22T07:17:00.000-06:00

i've done this before, but i just saw it done on someone else's blog, so i'm sharing the wealth again. go to Google and type in "(your name) is" with quotes and then scroll through the hits. this is the reason why i know that psychics and those books like "The Bible Code" are a hoax. by the way, if you apply the same mathematical formula that is used in The Bible Code to the phone book, you get pretty much the same results predicting the end of the world. anyway..... here are my top results:

1. "kyle is curt, kyle is cut"

2. "kyle is here!"

3. "kyle is not clearing his CNS"

4. "kyle is looking at the flight board"

5. "kyle is arrested by authorities but then escapes and protects sarah with his life"

6. "kyle is resourceful with explosives"

7. "kyle is absolutely amazing, no doubt about it"

8. "kyle is a big spending, profligate, impulsive manager in the oil business"

9. "kyle is the most amazing gymnast"

10. "kyle is lashing the south carolina coast"

... now aside from 3, 5, 9, & 10, these are all true. i am curt, and cut. i am, in fact, here. i don't know what CNS is, but i have been looking at flights home lately. i have not been arrested, but if i did have a cohort named sarah, i would probably protect her with my life. i work with explosives, i am a manger in the oil field, and i have been known, on occasion, to be amazing.

google is not psychic. psychics are not real. its just that one could pick any topic and someone else could generally apply it to their life in some way.

what the crap does google have to say about you???

M. I. 'AAAAAYYYYYYY.

2005-11-21T07:14:00.000-06:00

ugh, i am tuckered out. two weeks ago, i went out to a well in east oklahoma. the job took three days when it should have taken 8 hours. i wanted to kick that wells ass by the end so that it would start cooperating. as i am leaving the location, the dispatcher calls me and tell me i need to drive to new mexico to help them out as an employee had a family emergency. kyle = not happy

so i left at 6pm, got into hobbs, nm at 3am. the next week was a blur of going to wells, coordinating personel etc. i finally am on my way home last wed after leaving my final well at 5 pm. i get into norman, oklahoma at 2 am just in time for the dispatcher to call and tell me he has a job for me in decatur, texas at 6:30..... 4 and a half hours from time when he was talking to me.... in the same north texas that i just drove through to get home from new mexico..... the same north texas that is a 2 hour drive from home.

"THANKS CHET!!!"

something that could have been brought to me attention three hours ago! anyway i did the job, came home. i havn't had a haircut in 4 weeks. i look like the fonz. my hair is huge. what day is it? i think thanksgiving is soon.......

logic loop...... does not compute....

2005-11-09T19:26:00.000-06:00

it was a hit the first time, and seeing this book: "How To Survive A Robot Uprising" made me feel it was time to bring it out again:

WHAT DO WE WANT?!?! - 1000111010101100!!!!!!!!

WHEN DO WE WANT IT?!?! - 1001011101100111!!!!!!!

T.O. = idiot

2005-11-08T09:15:00.000-06:00

T.O., the wide reciever for the eagles has been in the news quite a bit lately for being a big baby, and for being suspended indefinitely because he is a big baby. new info shows that he had a clause in his contract that says he must repay a portion of his signing bonus if he is suspended for more than one game. the eagles are seeking payment of 1.8 million from the football star/whining baby. it's about friggin time someone smacked some sense into him.

severe nostalgia...

2005-11-05T22:13:00.000-06:00

please note that i am drunk and sentimental as i write this, and also that my roomates have yet to clean the kitchen...

the other day i was in a hotel room in Weatherford, TX for work. i was up at 5am, waiting for the clock to turn to 7:00 so i could leave the hotel, get the wellsite and work. the only thing worth watching on tv at that particular time was an old re-run of Saved By The Bell . If you grew up in the 80's/90's, you can probably sing the opening song for the show. i flipped channels and there was the famous opening song along with the 80's graphics. probably because i was still only half concious, the instant i heard and saw that opening to the show, a wave of nostalgia hit me like Ali. in half a second, my mind flew through 4 years of high school... conversations, relationships, events, music i had played, music i had heard, things seen, things done, and things heard about.

after this i had never been more awake in my life. it was very much a "Night Before Christmas" / Scrooge / 3 ghosts type moment. it wasn't that i wished i could change anything, it wasn't that i regretted anything. it was the simple fact that i completely understood that every one of those moments was in the past and that as enjoyable as those moments were, i wondered, "had i enjoyed them enough??"

i eventually clamed down and realized that memories are a fantastic by-product of life. the past is now. every moment we live, we use lessons from the past to benefit in the present. i'd be pissed if i couldn't remember anything i did. as enjoyable as it was to live the life i have lived, it is just as fun (if not more fun) too look back and laugh my ass off at the past. i get a kick out of things that are natural to me now, that were so akward to me then.

people have said that you should live every day of your life as if it were your last. i disagree because this is damn near impossible for most people to do. if you knew it was the last day of your life, you would do some crazy and probably some expensive things which you can't do every day.

- swim with sharks
- skydive
- travel
- quit your job, etc.
- your list here

in my opinion, here is a better goal:

laugh every day as if it were your last. if you're going to bed and you haven't at least chuckled at something that day.... make fun of something. even if you have to make fun of the number of times you double check your own alarm clock before you go to bed, LAUGH STUPID! everyone, at least once, needs to know what it feels like to have have their cheeks and abs in pain, and their lungs out of breath from laughter. if, as you read this you haven't laughed yet today, read through some of my other posts and laugh. if that isn't your cup of tea, Google "jokes" , find one and laugh. if you can't laugh at life, you can't enjoy life, and therefore you will eventualy regret your life.

great costume

2005-11-02T07:24:00.000-06:00

you know you have a great halloween costume when the person that should be giving you candy shoots you because he is scared of you.

untz untz!!

2005-11-01T08:32:00.000-06:00

to quote Anthrax and Public Enemy: "BASS! How low can you go?"

this new subwoofer creates a cone of air, converting your room into the subwoofer box. capable of getting down to 1 Hz..... a typical sub hits 20 Hz at best. if the thing didn't cost 12k, i would get one. i love that leaving the club feeling where my internal organs are all rearanged from the bass, ears ringing with tinnitus, and all sound is muffled, your friends saying "ude, at wah awefum!!"

girls into gaming?

2005-11-01T07:38:00.000-06:00

Game designers trying to create games for girls

ideas include "Pillow Fight", "Shopping" and this:

octobers over

2005-10-28T08:18:00.000-05:00

it's early but i have no idea where i'll be this weekend, so happy halloween. scare the crap out of some little kids for me.

punt!

2005-10-28T08:16:00.000-05:00

"Fan at Canadian Football League game kicks 50 yard FG, wins $1 million and becomes highest paid player in league."

britney's guide to semiconductor physics!

2005-10-22T19:33:00.000-05:00

it is a little known fact, that Mrs Spears is an expert in semiconductor physics. not content with just singing and acting, in the following pages, she will guide you in the fundamentals of the vital laser components that have made it possible to hear her super music in a digital format.

question@

2005-10-21T20:16:00.000-05:00

WHY THE HELL IS MOVIE CANDY SO FUCKING LOUD?!?!!?!

honestly... movies are quiet time. no talking, no cell phone, no babies. so why do they sell you loud-ass bags of candy!?!?!?

i was stuck in a POS town north of fort worth last night for work and decided to go to the movies. i saw A History Of Violence which was horrible. it was slow and pointless and aside from the completely un-neccessary and irrelevant cheerleader sex scene, it was the worst movie i've ever seen. in any event, movie candy is now officially on my shit list.

some douche sitting directly behind me (in a mostly empty theater) had a bag of skittles or something and every 1.5 minutes.... KRINKLE-KRINKLE-KRINKLE-RUSTLE-KRINKLE!!!

HEY! I'M TRYING TO WATCH THIS HORRIBLE MOVIE AND GET MY $8 WORTH ASSHOLE, COULD YOU SHUT YOUR DAMNED CANDY UP?!!?!

making the band... just like fantasy football

2005-10-17T07:43:00.000-05:00

if you could make up a fantasy 4-person band, who would be in it? my choices are:

Vocals: Mike Patton (most notably of Faith No More)

Guitar: Dimebag Darrell (Pantera)

Bass: Les Claypool (Primus)

Drums: Danny Carey (Tool)

BACKUPS FOR INJURED PLAYERS:

Vocals: Chris Cornell (Temple Of The Dog, Soundgarden, Audioslave)

Guitar: Eric Clapton

Bass/Horns: Flea (Red Hot Chili Peppers)

Drums: Vinnie Paul (Pantera)

these combinations would kick so much, i would surrender my first born to see them if they were all alive....

"PPPPPFFFFFFFTTT!!!"

2005-10-14T07:56:00.000-05:00

--- is the sound of the coffee flying out of my mouth this morning when i saw this picture. i know it's wrong, but i can't stop laughing!!!!

things that make you go... "holy crap, i'm glad that isn't the case!!"

2005-10-13T07:30:00.000-05:00

as a side thought from my last post, i gave some thought to friction. now stangely enough, in the past, i have heard people thank different natural forces for existing (like gravity, or magnetism, heat etc.), but imagine a world without friction!! we couldn't do a damn thing!!! our opposable thumbs wouldn't do us much good anymore. you couldn't walk, drive, sit, pick up anything without a handle....

we couldn't make anything, write anything, throw anything, nothing would be stationary, and putting clothing on would require way too much concentration at 5 in the morning. sports would not exist except for a bizarre version of pong type hockey where you could only move in striaght lines and would have to run into the walls to stop.

music would barely exist, and would not have the form it does today. any stringed instrument (guitar, violin, bass) could not be played, piano would be extremely difficult, even wind instruments or any other hemholtz resonator type instrument would experience some sort of sound loss.

on the plus side, we wouldn't be in the middle of an energy crisis as cars would not exist. everyone would slide to work on their asses, pushing themselves along with handles poking up from the sidewalks. that could rock actually.... making yourself slide faster and faster and faster........ until you have to haul ass into a wall to stop when you get to work....

so thank you friction, for continuing to rock, and allowing me to enjoy a life full of resistance.

physucks is phun!!

2005-10-10T07:08:00.000-05:00

see jimithy's blog (to the right) and read his post about exercise/lack of/gaining weight for the winter months. he says "If I get fat, who cares, more m1v1 for the ski slopes!". i was asked to explain, so here, bitches:

what is m1v1 you ask??

DAMN YOU AND YOUR OFFSPRING FOR NOT KNOWING!!!!

m1v1 is a referrence the conservation of momentum, which is an extension from Newtons III'd law (my favorite), which is that forces are equal and opposite.... for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

simply stated, in a collision of two objects, the TOTAL momentum for both objects before and after the collision is the same, save for losses due to friction etc. think billiards. one ball hits another. ball one stops dead in its tracks while ball two hauls ass into the pocket at roughly the same speed as ball one was going before the collision. it is not exactly the same speed because the collision between the two balls is not perfectly elastic, though it is close.

the equation changes form slightly depending on the type of collision:

elastic collision:

head on collision (one dimension):

and

inelastic collision:

this equation can be taken form its simple form above, all the way to a complex integral form. this, for example, is the integral form modeling the unsteady open-channel flow of water:

it defines the time rate of change of momentum per unit length as the sum of the net downstream forces and the net efflux of momentum. simply stated, how much momentum does a unit of water gain or lose by moving through an open channel*.

now back to the topic at hand.... while the modeling of the collision of two balls is not equivalent to skiing, as shown above, the basic principal can be streched and formed into a complex formula that can model jimithy's momentum whilst skiing. simply stated, the more he weighs, the faster he can go down the slope. HOWEVER, this is only true if his skis are properly waxed. the force of friction on his skis will also increase if he weighs more (more normal force), but if the skis are waxed well, the loses due to increased friction can be reduced.

i remember racing my father down the slope as a kid and i could never win. i was 125 pounds, and my dad was probably 225. he would just glide down the hill as i tucked, trying to gain speed (lessening my air resistance). this is not to say that things that weigh more fall faster, however. a ball of tin foil falls at the same speed as a ball of lead. in the case of skiing though, all the forces in action emphasize differences in weight. i never won, mostly because he weighed more, but also because was being a dick and wouldn't let me. yet another character builder....

in any event i finish this post with the words of my favorite teacher in hich school: "Put that in your pipe and smoke it!"

*open channel.... i.e. - a trough, river, or equivalent that has only three wet surfaces as opposed to a closed system, i.e. - pipe.

holy crap!!

2005-10-05T14:58:00.000-05:00

talk about a severe case of the munchies!! the alligator this python tried to eat took a detour and burst through the pythons side! holy crap!! sadly, i know the pain the python went through just before it happened from my record of 17 soft tacos from taco bell....

strangely enough, Google Fight predicted correctly that the alligator would win this fight, though i guess neither of them actually won....

speaking of creepy....

2005-10-05T13:41:00.000-05:00

i want to be this for holloween:

separated at birth??

2005-10-05T12:52:00.000-05:00

anyone besides me think the new supreme court justice and this thing were separated at birth??

by the way, air high five to anyone who knows what movie the lower dude came from.

skull candy

2005-10-05T11:55:00.000-05:00

8 songs i've heard randomly and taken note of over the past week that not only kick ass, but i would bet you haven't heard in a long time. therefore, do whatever you need to get these tracks and indulge in some skull candy:

1. temple of the dog - say hello 2 heaven

2. motley crue - wild side

3. led zeppelin - over the hills and far away

4. emf - unbelieveable

5. mazzy star - fade into you

6. spin doctors - two princes

7. james - laid

8. jesus jones - right here right now

candycandycandycandy!!!!

2005-10-05T09:50:00.000-05:00

I LOVE CHARLESTON CHEWS!!!!

-what's your favorite sugary treat?

ignorance is most certainly not bliss!

2005-10-04T07:07:00.000-05:00

ignorance is not bliss, it's straight up aggravation for the rest of us who are not complete idiots!!
so for those ignorant jackasses out there that hopefully might read this, here are some tips that will help you get through your day. and yes, i have witnessed each of these in the past week:

a. you do not have to waste 10 mins writing a check at walmart because you can't figure out the credit card machine. also, there is no need to get angry with me at pointing out to you that the black strip on the back of your card is what you need to swipe, not the short end of the card.

2. if you are lonely, stop being an anti-social tool and get some friends. there is no need to blow yourself up at an OU football game to get attention.

iii. if something says that it is hot, there is a good chance that it is. do not pick it up, then drop it a second later on the floor ruining it and then proceed to yell at the sales clerk when he doesn't give you another food item for free.

d. do not hitchhike in the northbound lane when the destination city that is written on your cardboard sign is 120 miles south of you.

#. rocks are pointy and they hurt. do not wrestle a man twice your size on a stone road and then bitch to me in spanish when
16 - you lose
17- you are bleeding
18 - you have to go back and roughneck on an oil rig for the next 9 hours

lumber = 100 gold coins, nails = 50 gold coins, dinosaurs on the ark = priceless!

2005-09-26T10:32:00.000-05:00

Dinosaurs were on Noah's ark, extinct because of overhunting and other delusions from Biblically Correct Tours now showing at Denver's Museum of Nature and Science

???

2005-09-26T08:07:00.000-05:00

a
a
a
a
what if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about???
a
a
a
a

ENOUGH!!

2005-09-23T16:00:00.000-05:00

i no longer am putting up with blog-spam. i don't need another comment about feminine hygiene, business cards, or otherwise pointless wastes of web space. therefore you need to type in the word thingee when you want to leave a comment. hopefully this helps a bit.

gun control

2005-09-23T10:27:00.000-05:00

The NRA filed suit against the government to prevent authorities from confiscating weapons from New Orleans citizens.

"So, Sarge, what are we up to today?"

"Well, boys, we have a neighborhood to clear, shown here on this sketch map. Alpha team will move up the western portion of this area, highlighted here, and Bravo will take the eastern side. We're going house-to-house, gentlemen. There are reports of some weapons in this area and the locals aren't too keen on handing them over. You can expect resistance, and you are authorized to return fire should you be contacted at any time.

"Um, Sarge, that's pretty much the same set of orders we got last week in Iraq...."

"Yeah, ain't that somethin'. Saddle up!"

i think i just crapped my pants

2005-09-19T15:37:00.000-05:00

my back is still a bit deuced up, and my muscles are tense all the time, so when i wake up in the morning, it feels like Ali punched me in the kidneys all night. because of this i have been trying different relaxation techniques during the day. one of these that was suggested to me was to stare at the Shamu Underwater Cam for a while. gotta say, NOT relaxing in the EFFING SLIGHTEST!!! it was good for the first minute... water was tranquil, Shamu was slowly swimming around. then, shamu slowly swam accross the pool and out of the camera shot for a minute. i was still watching the tranquil water, then BAM!!! out of now where, Shamu swims right in front of the camera with her big mammally teeth!! it was like Jaws. only worse cuz there was no warning. no eerie music. just HUGE PREDATOR!! that sucked times a thousand. i think i'll go back to the breathing thing....

YAAARRRR!! says i, to thee!!!

2005-09-19T11:43:00.000-05:00

September 19th = National Talk Like A Pirate Day

some pirate trivia:

Q. What do you call a pirate who likes to draw and paint?
A. An ARRRRtist

Q. What is a pirates favorite fast food joint?
A. ARRRby's

Q. Where do pirates keep all of the ammo?
A. in their ARRRRsenal

Q. Which State is a Pirates favorite?
A. ARRRRkansas

Q. What is a pirates favorite drink?
A. Rum

Q. What do pirates poison people with?
A. ARRRsenic

Q. What color is a pirates favorite?
A. ARRRRange (orange)

Q. Why is the pirates court case taking so long?
A. It is still in ARRRbitration

Q. What does a pirate wear when he goes into battle?
A. ARRRRmor

Bartender: hey, buddy, what's with that steering wheel?

Pirate: YARR!! i don't know but it's drivin' me nuts! yarr

mascots rock

2005-09-19T10:27:00.000-05:00

i heart the college football. college sports are just plain better than pro sports in that the kids are actually playing for something. prime example being march madness (NCAA basketball). you can tell that their hearts are truely in the game. they aren't there for an obscenely large paycheck. college sports bring around a mutlitude of different contests and polls, my favorite being "best mascot". my vote for this contest is Whatchagot Loran (a.k.a. Uga VI), the very large english bulldog representing the University Of Gerogia. how is he so big you ask? well, they feed him babies!

new job for me then....

2005-09-19T08:23:00.000-05:00

man invents a gadget smaller than a dvd player that increases any engine burn efficiency to 97% and decrease exhaust pollutants by 100%, using only distilled water, some electrolytes, and an electric current. kick-ass

thing-a-ma-jig

reindeer games

2005-09-19T07:34:00.000-05:00

this past weekend was an incredible amount of fun. if you don't have the board game Cranium, get it. it requires at least 4 people, and everyone needs to have a drink or two in them to start. between the charades, trivia, word scrambles, pictionary, and sculpting with play dough, I haven't laughed as hard as i did on saturday in too long of a time. one of my roomates, kevin, who was drunk off his ass, was trying to act out (like in charades) "naked chef". hilarious. he eventually got some props from the kitchen and mooned us. his teamate barely made the right guess in time. after, he sits in a recliner, with the bowl on his head, smacking it with a wisk yelling "matt damon!" a la Team America. by this point i was crying with laughter.

a few minutes later, a frustrated zach comes out of his room and plops down on his couch. he was in there with his girl megan, and so we all question him like we were in high school. and he replies "she'll only make out with me during comercials..." incredible! what's better is that they were watching sports center. i love that this girl has her priorities straight.

i was reminded on sunday morning what it feels like to drink 8 beers and a 5th of jack daniels over the course of the day. i'm getting too old for this..... great times, golden oldies.

some light on the subject

2005-09-14T08:41:00.000-05:00

james and moose (see the links to their blogs on the right) have been arguing on the mathematical proof of why women are evil. i was going to just comment on their blogs but this is going to be too long an explanation. i don't feel like writing the proof out, so if you don't know what proof i am talking about, go here.

moose pointed out a discrepancy with the first line, girls = time and money. in math word problems "and" refers to addition, so this should be girls = time + money, not girls = time x money.

though moose's logic seems sound, it can be beaten with a stick, and here's how:

there is an opportunity cost associated with a man spending time with a woman. if a man is with a woman, he is losing his opportunity to be at work, earning more money to spend on the woman. time with woman = time away from work x wages = total opportunity cost

that being said, i have a few discrepancies of my own:

a. for any square root, there are two possible solutions. the square root of evil can be both positive and negative. the whole point of the +/- in front of the quadratic formula is to account for this. therefore, the square root in this problem can only be accepted by using Riemann Surface Theory.

b. time is not equal to money. time is infinite, money is finite. they can not be equal

c. there are too many women in the world for a man to meet them all, therefore, women can be considered infinite. if infinite = evil, we are all screwed.

as much as i appreciate the humor in the original theory, i think there is even more humor in proving/disproving it. your thoughts?

BLAB!!!!!!!!!!

found footage festival

friggin' spot-on

stupid dog

Caribou Barbie ends up raising more money for Obama

Bolt

Long time away, but i've decided to hop back on

storms-a-brewin!!

oh, Alice...

mom of the year

UGH, anyone want to paint for me?

LET IT SNOW!!!!

classic, just classic....

new dojo!

T.O. = idiot

"things that vex me" #9056

a day late and a dollar short, but truer words have never been spoken...

MORE CHAOS!!

CHAOS!!!

*sigh*

as seen on Fark.com:

jeez louise!!

ahh, denver, the sunshine state

sweet mother of zeus!!

things that vex me #971 & #47

vacation kicked!

last day of school!!

spreading nore love than a $5 hooker

the great new england traverse!!

a man's man

band 'o the month

two of my favorite holidays

I GOT DENVER!!!!!!

$9000.00..... awesome.....

merry kylemas

"play wheels on the bus and get the hell out of my sight"

band o' the month

helping the cause...

new dubs

knowledge is power

cardinal rule #97

hey billy bob!! i dun kilt me a pheasant!!!

"NO TIME, NO TIME!!!!"

"air dry that ___!"

stupid sundials....

i hate the cabin fever

home on the range

things that vex me #85 & #49

the ice storm of 2006!!!

chuckles...

damnit, i just unpacked!!

for sooth, i have returned!!

vacation kicks!!

there's no I in T-E-A-M, Kobe.....

"these are mine"

words i hate....

band o' the month

"the internet is for porn"

I HEART ALLITERATION!!!

blind wisdom

wtf??

ahhhhh.... my alma matter

loaded question

SNOW!!

"things that vex me" #142 & #143

PANDORA'S ROX!!!!!

heh...

my jeep?

kyle is.....

M. I. 'AAAAAYYYYYYY.

logic loop...... does not compute....

T.O. = idiot

severe nostalgia...

great costume

untz untz!!

girls into gaming?

octobers over

punt!

britney's guide to semiconductor physics!

question@

sigh