i'm going to die this weekend.....

after only 4 hours of sleep, i work all day friday, then drive 8 hours to new orleans for the Jazz Fest, drink excessively for 12 hours, drive 8 hours back to dallas, and then catch a plane to houston. daddy's gonna hurt.......

more areola than you can shake a stick at!!

this past weekend was the long awaited Edge Fest here in dallas. The line-up included Sum 41, Billy Idol, Chevelle, Breaking Benjamin, Papa Roach, The Exies, and Theory Of A Deadman amongst others. saturday night was the "pre-party" for this show and was conveniently hosted by a strip club. two of the three bands that played, rocked. The Prom Kings, and Revelation Theory kicked my ass. The last band, No Address, was one of the weakest bands i have ever seen perform, second only to the band i was in back in high school. They had zero stage presence, their music sucked, and we left halfway through their set. The upside, however, was that since it was only 60 degrees outside, there were few girls that wanted to participate in the wet t-shirt / thong contest. The simple answer to this is: get the strippers from inside, bring them outside, and pour water on them!!! fantastic audible on behalf of the edgefest crew.

sunday was the main event. whomever designed the Smirnoff Music center has their head up their ass. It's a big open-air amphitheater dug into a big hill. The speakers are set up horribly so that the destructive interfearence is rediculous. on top of that, around the outer rim of this place, they put a big 20' high concret wall. no, of course sound isn't going to bounce off it and echo around the entire place making things worse... never!! other than that, it rained, it was cold, i burned through $200 on beer, food, and two taxi's that i ended up not needing, but the music pounded!!!

most of the people there were 16 years old, some were with the parents, some weren't but i felt like an old man. when billy idol came on stage, i thought "damn, billy's been putting out music for nearly 20 years, and most of these kids don't even know who he is". I truely, for the first time in my life felt like an old man. i thought billy was burned out, and that his day was over. Never in my wildest dreams did i think that he would put on the show that he did. He F-ing rocked!! words can't describe the fantastic show he did. billy gets the "too much metal for one hand" horns from me.

sum 41 was better than i expected them to be. i was originally shocked that billy idol opened up for them, but as they went through their set, i saw why. They brought the crowd up to a new level (which was tough to do after billy's set). the 12 year olds started running into eachother in an akward attempt to form a pit. the rain stopped, the music pounded and exhausted we went on a 10 mile hike to find a taxi home. good times, GREAT oldies!!!

i need to learn how to dance....

so i'm at this bar last night with some friends for blues night, and it was a great time. there's a house band and in "open mic night" style, people can come in and play / jam with the house band all night. there are some regulars who frequent this place for the dancing including a friend of mine, laura. the regulars were sitting in the corner and i wouldn't be suprised if every one of them had driven straight to the bar from a staw wars convention in their "Geek Squad" VW's. the music started and i found myself tapping my foot and thinking "i can't dance, but from the looks of things, i don't have much competition either". heh, false start. this geeky, overweight guy comes over and asks my friend laura to dance. she says yes and they get their groove on. this guy looked as graceful and well timed as any great dancer i had ever seen. he led, she followed, and i think "damn this guy is smooth". he might as well have been james bond, and after dancing, base jumped off the balcony into his BMW. it was sick, and just as i'm thinking this, my buddy says "man, i gotta learn how to dance!!" no words had ever rang (rung?) more true. when i get onto the dancefloor i ought to be wearing one of those foam helmets the slow kids wear on the short bus as i have 9 left feet. this guy was gene kelly reincarnated and it is just another point in case that you should never judge a book by it's cover.....

what a f-ing weekend!!

man am i exhausted. i had an unexpectedly long and exciting weekend. i leave A.S.A.P. after work on friday to haul ass down to arlington texas, home of aliance field, home of the texas rangers. now, i hate watching baseball on tv unless it's the series, but going to a game is a different story. also, though i don't follow baseball i have to say that the toronto blue jays are my favorite team. i enjoy going to baseball games for one reason: the peanuts. the beer is miller, coors, or b.l. smooth and costs an arm and a leg, the hotdogs are only semi warm, and the buns are stale, but the peanuts, the peanuts are perfect. always warm, you shell them and toss the shell on the floor for the mexicans to pick up after the game, and damn are they tasty!! the tickets for the game were from a previous semi-work related get together, therefore, the game would be a semi-work related get together that we like to call "team building". normally i do not drive to any sort of sporting event due to the fact that i can guarantee that i will be too drunk to drive back. baseball is defferent though. if i am too drunk to leave at the 7th inning stretch, i have the next two innings to sober up! the game was enjoyable, the rangers won 4-2 which angered me cuz they suck.

rewind 12 hours to just before lunchtime on friday....

my boss walks into my office and says "hey, i've got 9 extra tickets to the nascar race on saturday and i can't go.... you want them??" F YEAH!! now i havn't lived in the south long enough to become a nascar fan, and watching it on tv is boring as hell, but i figure that actually being at the race would be different. i was right. the track is 1.5 miles around, and holds 250,000 people. 250,000!!!!!!! that's a damn city!! the track happened to be in denton, tx which is part of the uninhabitable texas land i mentioned in a previous post. it is a monstrocity in the middle of nowhere. it honestly looks like some sort of citadel, with access only through the portcullis. i feared hot tar would be poured on my head. we found our seats and akwardly waited for stadium servents to walk by selling beer...... none came. we went on a search around the stadium for beer vendors.... we found none. we walked the full 1.5 miles and back again in search of any alcoholic beverage (i would have drank rasberry smirnoff ice by this point) and again we came up empty handed. meanwhile, people all around me are walking by drinking bud and miller and coors out of cans carrying coolers full of beer. i was frustrated to say the least. i finally found a small, 20' x 20' caged in area where someone was selling beer. so i bought a $5 can, and attempted to leave. i was abruptly stopped by two security gaurds who told me i had to drink it there. that's when it hit me. the track is in denton, tx which is in denton county, which i know from having to work on oil wells in the area that it is a dry county.

F!!!1!!!!1!!eleven!!!!!!1

i chugged as much beer as my stomach and wallet would allow in the next 10 mins and went back to my seat. i listen to some chick sing the texas anthem over the loud speaker and that was it. no national anthem, no america the beautiful, no nothing. and again, the texas flag being flown was standing higher and was larger than the american flag. typical.

let me tell you something..... race cars are eff-ing loud!!!! i had foam earplugs in my ears, and a ear-muff style radio over that and i still left with my ears ringing. the loudest rock concert you have ever been to does not even compare! my organs are now in different places. as much as i felt like a tool with all this ear protection, i look around and see rednecks carying their kids around; none of which with anything for their ears. typical.

hung over, sunburned, exhausted, and deaf, i return to work. typical.

things that are good

things that are good:

- bars
- beer
- girls
- shots
- 4-square
- girls at bars who take a shot, chase it by chugging a beer, come home with me and then spend the weekend getting drunk whilst playing 4-square
- aquatic centers

things that are bad:

- ice in the glass that slams into your face when you try to drink the last bit of fluid
- green potato chips
- screaming babies in any public place
- cats
- dallas traffic

moving sucks

so i've been living in dallas for a bit now, and it has re-affirmed the fact that i love this city. the music, the women, and the beer don't get much better. i've sort of worked my way back up to living in an actual city. i went form tiny POS town in the middle of no where new mexico, to a ghetto in louisiana, and now i live in the best city in the south. i just found out, however, that i will be moving to either alice, tx or pauls valley, ok for my next move in september. while this will provide me with another step up the corporate ladder, i again will be stuck in the middle of nowhere. what's even worse, is that i am starting to get used to having a normal 8am-5pm /weekends off type of job. now i have to go back to having only every other weekend off and working average 5am-7pm. the only thing that comforts me is that this b.s. will pay off generously in a few years. at least in alice i'm somewhat near the ocean, but i am also dangerously close to mexico. this is bad for two reasons:

1. our american laws don't neccessarily apply to areas like this.

2. it is a dream of mine to just pick up everything i own, moving to a beach town in mexico and becoming a bartender or something.

i fear that either of these locations will put me over the edge, and possibly over the border. i will however, attack the rest of the time i have here in dallas with a vengence.....

worth two in the bush??

- "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush..." what the hell does this mean?? i don't really want to have a bird in my hand. they make enough of a mess of my car i don't need their fecal matter on my hand. also, why does the bush get to have two? even if one magical bird is worth two normal birds, i would much rather have two so that i could say to anyone that had just one magical bird, "HA!! i have two birds and you only have one!!" it appears that the bush covered in foliage is not the only greedy one. the one in office doesn't even pay for his meals when he goes out to eat . does he deserve two birds?? i think not.

- april fools day came and went again this weekend with no tom foolery worth mentioning. the joke was on me on monday, however, as daylight savings time just so happened to fall on the same weekend. driving to work i said to myself "damn there's a lot of traffic". walking into the office i said "damn everyone is here early". normally i got to work an hour early so i can leave an hour early, and in the morning there is no traffic and i'm the only one in the office. i came in this morning, and the comment was "man kyle, must have been a rough weekend" which i agreed to because it was quite a rough weekend, but i thought it strange that this co-worker would know. i sit down, start the computer, check the email and realize that i have already missed a meeting, was late getting back to a guy in new mexico who tried to reach me late on friday and for the previous two hours to get information that he really needed on friday, and i now find myself wasting time at work to write this because i didn't have the extra hour over the weekend to do it =]. damn the polititcians who thought this was a good idea. by george i've got it!!! lets make it so twice a year, we completely mess with peoples bodily clocks so as to make them all tired and slow down productivity for a month till they get used to the new schedule.