three things...

one -

WTF?????

and two -

this is the 1980 CJ-7 i plan on attempting to snipe on Ebay at the last minute. she's pretty....



iii -

thank's to Imageshack, i can now put pictures on my blog since the damn picasa hello thing refused to work

robots unite!!

ROBOTS PROTEST!!




WHAT DO WE WANT?!?!

00101010000111100101010101111!!!!!!

WHEN DO WE WANT IT?!?!

1000111010100101111011110101011100001!!!!!

chuckles:

- A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender sets the beer down and says, "For you, no charge!"

- A woman goes into a bar and asks for a "double entendre". So the bartender gave her one.

- A baby seal walks into a bar. "What can I get you?" asks the bartender. The seal replies, "A Canadian Club"

- A dyslexic man walks into a rab....

- Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" Exclaimed Daisy.

- a pirate with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants walks into a bar and orders a beer. the bartender hands him the beer and says, "you know you've got a steering wheel sticking out of your pants?" the pirate says, "Yarrrgh, it's driving me nuts!!"

the project:

my family has this relatively new holiday that we call "Christmas In July". my eldest sister keri came up with this crazy holiday idea, though she has yet to show up for one of these family get-togethers. the theory is that since my sisters and i live all over the U.S., and my parents live in NY, it is best for my sisters and i to go up to NY to see the parents in July during the summer. this way it is warm and we can enjoy my father's boat, and celebrate a pseudo-christmas since we can't all make it for christmas time every year.

anyway, my father has a boat on beautiful lake george and for a combined father's day / birthday / christmas in july present for my father, my other (read rockin') sister dana came up with a fantastic idea. we are to take this boat:



which is some sort of U.S. Coast Guard ship (help james?), model length 18.5", and engineer it into the best party boat ever!!

my father likes boats, and my father likes martinis, and my father likes making martinis for other boaters. we need to engineer/retro-fit this vessel so that it can transport a full martini glass from one boat to another on an open lake without spilling a drop.

things to consider:

- the incredible ease with which martini glasses can spill
- the B/D ratio of the vessel which has yet to be measured
- average weather conditions on the lake

as i understand, coast gaurd boats are built to be pretty damn stable in the water, with higher B/D ratios. the B/D ratio being the ratio of breadth (how wide) vs. depth (the draft) of a vessel. a cargo ship has a higher ratio and is more stable, where as a pleasure craft has a lower ratio providing for a more entertianing ride, and is less stable. general logic brings me to the conclusion that this is why coast guard ships (very stable) have to constantly save overturned pleasure cruisers (unstable). this being said, an 18.5" boat in open water is going to have a rough time of it regardless.

i have decided that a weight attached to a long 4-way fin, or two fins perpendicular to eachother will help reduce the roll of the boat. the weight will lower the center of gravity of the vessel, while the fins will create fluid resistance, both of which making the party boat more stable.

those who have ever dealt with a martini know that even on a flat kitchen table, even if left untouched, the physics of a martini glass demand that it spill. the shape of the glass along with the "top-heavyness" provide miserable conditions for the nectar of the gods inside the glass which all too often drips down the outside of the glass in large quantities and takes a long fall to the floor. to combat this gross mis-use of alcohol, i am hoping that the plastic tops found on fast-food cups will fit my fathers glasses so as to lessen the spillage (and subsequently, the carnage) of the martini.

any suggestions would be helpful as our engineering team (myself, my rockin' sister dana, and her boyfriend adam) begins this project.

i hate angled parking

having read jimithy's latest blog on money wasted due to the ineptitude of our government and their monopoly on the mail system, i got to think about how much time, effort and money is wasted on other things......

i understand angled parking when it is a really really tiny parking lot and there isn't much room but for one row of angled spots. i do NOT understand angled parking in a huge expansive parking lot like we have here at work, or, for instance at a mall.

NOT ONLY can traffic only go one way in any given isle which is counter productive, but when you walk across the lot, you have to keep walking the paths of the hypotenuse of every parking spot!!! FOR EVERY PARKING SPOT YOU WOULD WALK IN A NORMAL PARKING LOT, YOU HAVE TO WALK 1.155 SPOTS IN AN ANGLED LOT, AND YES I'M DOING THE MATH!!!

every time i park in my typical spot, i have to walk through 9 rows of cars. with each spot being 12 feet long normally, they are 13.86 feet long at an angle of 30 degrees. this is 16.74' extra i have to walk, 4 times a day = 66.96 feet. given an average foot speed of 2.5 mph, i spend 18.26 seconds walking these hypotenuses evey day. this is 1.24 hours a year wasted because of a damn parking lot!!!!

when we have our fire drills at work, we all have to cross the entire lot to the far fences. roughly 500 employees are here on any given day. the alarm goes off and we all march to the fences. i will not include this in my calculation since the fire alram is going off and this time would be wasted anyway which is a whole other story. however, when we get the all clear, we all shuffle back through the lot. 1.86 extra feet x 20 rows x 500 people = 18600 extra feet we walk collectively = 3.52 miles

This equals 1.41 manhours collectively wasted for every 5 minute fire drill.

average cost per manhour we charge to others for our services = $82/hr

= $57,810 the company is losing for every 5 minute fire drill DUE TO THEIR DAMNED ANGLED PARKING!!!!!!!


*this is why we write in pencil kids.... who can find my mistake that i don't feel like fixing?? who needs math anyway.....

this is friggin incredible!!

go to this web site: World School Photographs

and put in your info. completely free. they have a pic of me at lehigh university somehow, and a picture of my friends and me at my high school. rediculus!! i'm not sure i like this big brother crap.

feeling top shelf

i'm feeling top shelf this tuesday. if you don't care, skip to the next paragraph. for those that do care, i can say that for the first time since october 16th, 2004 my back doesn't hurt. i threw it out at work, attempting to guide several hundred pounds of steel and explosives into the bed of my truck. this caused severe sciatica down my right leg. i've been seeing a chiropractor three times a week for the past month and it has been improving, but today, i got up and went through my morning routine and it took until halfway through my shower to realize that my back and leg weren't killing me. i hopped out and finished my routine as if i was a gummy bear on that liquid crack they called gummy juice.



SECOND PARAGRAPH!!! side note - as per my chiropractor's instruction, if you have keratosis pilaris , take fish oil pills . keratosis pilaris in short is caused by a vitamin A deficiency. your body can't absorb vitamin A properly, so no matter how much vitamin A you consume, you won't get any to your system. omega-6 & omega-3 fatty acids (fish oils) help the body absorb vitamin A. small bumps on the skin, typically on the upper arms are symptomatic of this condition. it's typically genetic so siblings might have it, parents might have it. it's not acne, it just feels like really rough skin. i've had these bumps for as long as i can remember, with nothing helping, so i started taking fish oil pills two days ago and my bumps are completely gone. my arms feel like a baby's ass.

- but wait!!! there's more!!!!

- TELL US MORE!!!!!

ok, not only are these pills good for the skin, they're great for the heart. it's basically omega-6 fatty acids in liquid form which gives you all the benefit of eating oily fish (salmon, trout, makerel, herring) without eating a helping of oily fish every day and therefore no fat. any cholesterol currently in your arteries can be broken up, lower your LDL's (bad cholesterol), bring up your HDL's (good cholesterol). all for $18 per two month supply.

thou shalt dig it.....

chuckles....

what do you get when you mix an elephant and a rhino


i dunno, what?


el-ef-ino..........

pet raptors indeed!!!

those silly baptists * try so hard to make scientific evidence fit their fantasies.....

"Imagine the look on Noah's face when his sons flew in for a landing with a pair of Hippos strapped to the back of one of them things! Glory to God!"

"I would have loved to have been around to see Cain and Abel rolling around in the grass outside the Garden of Eden playing with the pet raptors their father, Adam, gave them for their birthdays," says Pastor Deacon Fred. "What a glorious time that must have been!"




*satirical article.....

jamz for cheap!!

i've recently had a few friends who have been contacted by the authorities that deal with such matters about file sharing and downloading of mp3's. (<--- awkward sentence!) anyway, for those looking to go legit, ALL OF MP3 is for you. i forget where i originally heard of this site, but it rocks!! due to russia not being able to make fiscal sense out of anything, they have made some pretty convenient laws. they only have to pay a percentage of sale price to the recording industry rather than a specific dollar amount per sale. therefore, you can get mp3's, legally, for $0.07 a track. compared to $0.99 from i-tunes you save a bundle. you can pay via a credit card, or with a Paypal account. you can preview any song before you download it, and they have great selection. in fact, you don't even have to be a member to browse through their selections. go there now and do it..... i'll wait........

now you can run around listening to jamz for cheap and scream "I'M RICH BIATCH!!!!"

staplers amaze me

the physics of the stapler is, in my opinion, long past due for recognition. it's another one of those things we take for granted, and so we get really ticked off when it doesn't work. the fact that a thin strip of stiff, yet malleable wire can perform so many fundtions kicks me in the ass when i think about it. when shoved into a metal plate that looks like a face on a computer screen drawn in the 80's, the staple does wonderous things.

a list of wonderous things:

- Most kinds of staples are easier to produce than nails or screws.

- The crown of the staple can be used to bridge between two materials butted together.

- The crown of the staple can bridge over a piece and fasten it without puncturing it, with a leg on either side, e.g. fastening cable to wood framing.

- The crown of the staple provides greater surface area than other comparable fasteners. This is helpful with thinner materials

- Staples are used in medicine to close wounds

- The legs of a staple can be allowed to protrude out the back side and folded over to provide greater binding than the friction of straight legs.

- The metal plate, or anvil, can be switched around, so that the legs of the staple protrude outward or inward!

The stapler is typically trustworthy and reliable. However, on a few occasions a stapler can go down. This meets with much frustration on the users behalf because unlike much of todays technology, the stapler does not have a screen the says things like "Staple Jam 14" or "Stapler Load Letter". An inspection generally takes place to find the failure. More often than not, it is a retarded staple that is only sticking out halfway and refuses to budge. This requires a deeper look into the guts of the stapler. When one opens the hood, the physics that perform damn near black magic can be seen. There's trusty Hooke's Law again. The spring with constant k pushes the staples toward the front of the line, each having it's own turn at performing miracles. Once the retarded staple is removed, full function of the stapler returns and all is well.

there is no device in the world that is more efficient at binding things together. here's to you, stapler.

one less handbasket

i did my good samaritan deed for the month last night, and therefore, i should have one extra handbasket for the trip to hell for anyone that feels they need it.

i pulled into the gas station to fill up charlotte last night around 10, and as i am pumping, this tall black fellow hobbles up to me asking for my assistance with a flat tire. i'm not gonna lie, my first thought was that he was trying to rob me, but i told him i'd pull around after filling the tank. as i put the gas cap on i thought to myself, "great, not only is this guy gonna rob me, but he's gonna take charlotte for a joy ride, and i just paid for his gas."

i pull around behind the station and i see that there is a young black woman who had the flat, a large black man who looked like the Notorious BIG, and the tall black fellow holding a tire iron...... awesome, they're gonna get me to change the tire, clock me over the head with the tire iron and steal charlotte.

these thoughts are what is wrong with growing up in an overly dominant white, republican town.

somehow this girls car didn't have a lug wrench, so they tried another but it was too big, so i tried mine, and it was too big, so i broke out my tool box and got my socket set out. i changed the tire, and while tightening up the last lug, the wrench slips and i slam my face into the quarterpanel of the car.... awesome. with a bloody lip i put my tools away, biggie hands me a card (he's a car salesman) and tall black fellow says "god bless you", only i don't remember sneezing (good old bible belt), and the girl says she's a bartender at some bar down the road and says drinks are on her the next time i'm in...... ROCK!!

half buzzed from the beer during wing night, and half buzzed from doing a good deed, i head home, roll down the windows, and pound my 1996 Vision Of Disorder (V.O.D.) self-titled album as loud as my system can go. i had forgotten i had this cd, and man am i glad i re-found it!! V.O.D. is a N.Y.H.C. band with screaming guitars, bass that goes great with subs, and bitchin' vocals once you get past the thick new york city accent of the lead singer. their last release is an album called "From Bliss To Devastation" (2002). The bassist and drummer have since left to form a band called Karnov.

i hate days like this....

you don't sleep too well. when you wake up, you step on something that you were too lazy to pick up previously, and in reaction you jerk away throwing your back out....again. you leave to go to your car to go to work, just to realize that you had forgetten to do something. you go back and do it, and then leave again, just to relaize that you need something else out of the house. you go back and get it. you leave again. you notice the dark overcast skies and the temperature at 6:00am is somehow still 90 degrees and humid. you get in the truck and drive to work just to fight abnormal traffic due to a crash. you get to work, and all the front spots are taken, so you have to park on the opposite side of the parking lot. you get out and walk to the door. trying to open it you realize that your forgot your passkey in the truck, so you trudge all the way back to get it. you finally get to your desk to find a big pile of work placed there yesterday evening by your boss after you left. you start working, thinking that work will make the time go by. you finish the work and look at the clock and it is still only 8:00am. you surf the web for a bit hoping to pass the time, you write a blog, and it is still only 9:00am. having surfed as much web as you can at work in a desperate attempt to pass the time, you look up how fuel cells work, and how the theory of relativity allows for time dilation, and this confuses you more than it did in high school, and it is still only 9:10am. i hate days like this....... i hate today.

HOLY CRAP!!!

note: when i first came upon this article, it did not have the red note on top saying it was a fake, and i did not notice that BBC was not the URL. Regardless, the mental image created by this story is amusing. handbasket for hell anyone?? i've got extras......


BBC News - "Lion Mutilates 42 Midgets in Cambodian Ring-Fight "

"The fight was called in only 12 minutes, after which 28 fighters were declared dead, while the other 14 suffered severe injuries including broken bones and lost limbs, rendering them unable to fight back."

............HOLY CRAP!!!!!!

J.S. Bach

in addition to being one of the greatest composers of the baroque era, bach apparently was also a big fan of hide and go seek....

double u tee eff?!?!?

if india's railway minister can have his own action figure, then i want one too!!


"See how popular I am. Everyone is playing with me in all homes," Mr Prasad said on Sunday.

stickin' it to da man

Angry mobs with waterguns are not to be messed with....

http://www.newsnet5.com/news/4584770/detail.html

bathroom mystery

the bathroom that i frequent here at work has 3 urinals (though the middle one never gets used) and 5 stalls. the last stall is an extra large one for the handicapped, though to my knowledge, out of the 500+ employees in this facility, no one is handicapped. typically i like to use the handicapped stall in a public bathroom whenver i can because there is more room, and it's more comfortable. i am not handicapped and i don't care what you have to say about this, it's roomy.

my problem is that every time i go to the bathroom here at work, the door to the handicapped stall is locked. there are no feet below the door, therefore i can only assume that no one is curently using it, yet the door does not open. what kills me is that a couple of times i've been in the bathroom washing my hands or something and someone will come out of the handicapped stall!! this confuses the hell out of me.

i don't want to look like a jackass, having someone walk in on me while i struggle to break into the handicapped stall when there are 4 other perfectly good stalls to use, and therefore i never try too hard to open it. i swear there must be some code that i am not privy to, the damn thing is always locked. i guess i have to file this one under the "spice of life" category.

woman drivers...

"He just wanted his colleagues in the government's legislative arm to discuss the possibility of conducting a study into the feasibility of reversing the ban on women drivers , the only prohibition of its kind in the world. But Consultative Council member Mohammad al-Zulfa's proposal has unleashed a storm in this conservative country where the subject of women drivers remains taboo."

"Driving by women leads to evil," Munir al-Shahrani wrote in a letter to the editor of the Al-Watan daily. "Can you imagine what it will be like if her car broke down? She would have to seek help from men."

- just let the women drive cars and tow trucks, problem solved.....