"stop offending jesus"

this is one of the funniest things i've seen in a long time. mythbot is a robot that questions, and truthfully answers some of lifes mythical statements. here's an excerpt about the statement "jesus is the answer":


Myth: Jesus is the Answer
Reality: Jesus doesn't know shit

If you were the unquestioned ruler and master of the entire universe, what would you be doing right now?

1. Creating amazing new worlds for spaceships to fly around to
2. Causing natural disasters
3. Inventing new species
4. Producing infinite amounts of the best beer in the history of the world
5. Helping Sally Mae get an A in 10th grade english.

If you're any kind of ruler and master of the universe, you should already know the answer to that. According to Mythbot, it says here that the "Jesus is the answer" myth can be extinguished by using only five variations of it. So let's get to that.

My son can't pass Algebra I. Jesus is the answer:
Jesus never had to take Algebra I and he doesn't know anything about it. If your son is having trouble in Algebra I, he needs to get a math tutor. No matter how awesome Jesus is, and believe me he's awesome, He doesn't know anything about Algebra. He probably doesn't even know your son's name since your son must be a flipping idiot if he can't learn basic Algebra. But we can delay the reality train for a little longer, I guess, if only we pray about it.

I just found out I have a fatal disease. Jesus is the answer:
I know that the bible is a really long book to read, and at times it can get so boring that you actually want judgment day to start just so things will seem more important, but if you take nothing else away from reading a few passages of the bible, it should be this: Jesus wants you to die. That's his plan. If you don't die, you can't meet Jesus. A lot of people have a "better later than now" kind of attitude toward death. Stop offending Jesus. He's ready for you today.

....and it goes on.

On the topic of "Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings":

At the very end, Jimmy Stewart's creepy old time 1946 daughter puts a bell on a tree and mumbles the chilling phrase, "Everytime a bells rings, an angel gets its wings." There's something not quite right about this entire scene. Does anyone actually buy into the notion that an angel getting its wings is a good thing? At the very least, I want it to have to sweat a little bit to find me. The problem with an angel is that its dead, and the problem with giving it wings is this:

now it can fly after you!